Everyone is Different

We've heard it all before. Everyone is different. Respect our differences. Forgive our differences. Honor our differences. Yet so many people still go around expecting the people they most love to "be different" than they are.

What? The people we love aren't that different. Your spouse, your kids, your family... you're all cut from the same cloth. You're all on the same page, the same line of thinking. Right?

No, you're not. Ev-er-y-one is different.

Why don't we extend the tolerance and openness to those closest to us? Do we believe that the philosophy only extends to those who are SO different from us that we would otherwise wish to obliterate them? It is true that these now cliche phrases were coined to engender tolerance between opposing factions. Make love, not war. Keep the peace. And hopefully to some extent they have been useful to that extent and have taught some of our youth to be tolerant of things that they don't and probably will never fully understand.

But I propose that these same catch phrases shouldn't stop at complete strangers. What about those we claim to love? Shouldn't they deserve some respect and honor as well. How many times have you gotten angry at a child because they didn't do something exactly as you wanted it done? How many times have you shunned your lover because something didn't occur exactly in the manner you expected it? How many harsh words have been spoken over incredibly simple differences of opinion?

Sad to think about really. Why would you wish ill on a person you claim to love? I can't understand why we do it to adults we love. And I understand even less why an adult would berate the innocence of a child. And for those who would say, "the child did it on purpose", I suggest that if that is true they did so because of your previous disapproval and lack of support. Children never start in this world "broken". If you're child is broken, you're the most likely contributor.

But for me, I have no children so my concern is that of adult relationships. I remember the arguments my husband and I would have over literally nothing. It was beyond my control to stop the arguments, or at least I felt so at the time. But I tried hard to overcome our differences. Sure there were things I wished would have been different. There was plenty I wished he would have done different; and I know he felt the same about me. But why is that worth arguing about?

Shouldn't love include respecting the differences of your loved ones? Shouldn't each of us be allowed to exist peacefully without attack? Do you not wish that for yourself? I think we would all wish that no one would ever attack us. But it is the ego that tricks us into thinking attack is necessary. Sometimes it is even the ego that tricks us into perceiving that we are being attacked. For if we can not respect ourselves enough to allow for our own differences, we are very likely to get defensive when someone voices opinions which we know are different than our own.

This is perhaps a poor "explanation" of the crisis. And yes, I do believe it is a crisis. But if you do not love and respect yourself enough to allow yourself to be different from everyone else on the planet, then you will create conflict everywhere you go. For how can you love and respect anyone else being different from yourself, if you can not tolerate yourself being different in everyone else's eyes? Think about it. It's not so much that you're angry that that other person did or said anything so different from you. It's that you can't stand to be different from them. For if you were peaceful with yourself being different from others, you wouldn't mind when those differences were brought to the surface.

So, to honor the differences of others is to say, "I love myself just the way I am." Your attacks do not reveal someone else's faults, they reveal what you believe are your own. By attacking others, you reveal that you do not feel deserving of love just the way you are, and your ego is insisting that everyone align with you so that you can be lovable. Do you really believe that you're so horrible? I know plenty of people who don't like me. And many many fewer who do like me. But that I like myself is all that matters. Because then it doesn't matter if someone feels differently about me. It just means we have differences, but I'm still lovable.

Everyone is different, including you and those closest to you. Until you learn to accept those differences in yourself, you will never truly feel the fullest extent of that love.